


Agape

by felix_8felicis



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Gen, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Near Death Experiences, Platonic Relationships, Trauma, cried a lot while writing this, gun injury, lot of tears, savelixi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:08:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22465405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felix_8felicis/pseuds/felix_8felicis
Summary: [a - ga - pe-] /n./The highest form of love. Selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional love; persists no matter the circumstance.They were staring at each other when the gun shot resonated in everyone's soul. Felix's body had violently jolted, thrown forward under the force of the bullet. But he hadn't registered it. Only pain barely grasped his mind. He frowned his eyebrows, mind going blank, even forgetting why his eyes were staring unto Jisung's. Why did his friend's body violently flinch? Why was he looking at him with such fixed and stunned eyes?But as Felix stared at the blood dirtying his hand, he realized.'Ahh. I have been shot.'And there had been no fear crawling inside his heart. Nothing. He just felt blank. He felt a tear run in his cheek and he only now realized that the blurriness he was seeing was because of his tears. He smiled at Jisung, in a vain and desperate attempt to sooth and comfort him. Maybe if he smiled, the older wouldn't notice the blood gashing out of his back.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix, No Romantic Relationship(s), Platonic Relationship(s)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 211





	1. Chapter 1

When it happened, there was only one thing clouding Felix's mind.

_Jisung_.

It repeated inside his head like a mantra. Like a broken disk stuck in the radio, repeating the same thing again and again.

_Jisung Jisung Jisung Jisung._

' _It wasn't fair really_ ', Felix thought as he tripped on his weak legs. It wasn't fair. His eyes teared up at the thought. Not because of the submerging pain erupting in his back shoulder. No. Because it _wasn't fair._

 _It wasn't fair_ that this had to happen to Jisung. The day he had looked at them with a somehow proud and shy smile, stating that he had finally finished working on that specifically troublesome song. The day he had smiled brighter, hugged them all more than usual, had been so excited about getting home and watching a movie. He had been so thrilled about getting out of the airport with all the members, greet the fans and smile widely as the reporters and fansites took thousands of pictures. 

And Felix had found him so strong. Jisung had always been _so_ strong and had made _so_ much efforts to bring joy unto the team and become a better person every day. So it _wasn't fair_. _It wasn't fair_ that Jisung had to live something this traumatic when everything lately had been so perfect. When things had finally started to get unto place for the group.

Felix grasped the back of his shoulder, wincing in pain. He removed his hand when the electricity running through his muscles was too unbearable. He looked down at his palm, and the world stopped turning.

_Red_

_Red scarlet blood, painting his whole hand._

His vision blurred as he looked up at Jisung. Their arms were intertwined together, the one day older boy supporting the younger. They stared at each other for a moment who was probably shorter than a heartbeat, but who stretched and stretched like eternity in front of the two boys.

There was a half second of a pure shocked silence. The time seemed to have stopped ticking above their heads, everyone's face muscles stuck in the same stunned expression. An agonizing two second later, the time started running again, the sounds around him exploding in felix's ears. And he swore it was the sudden noise that made his legs give up under his weigh. Not the pain from the gun shot in the back of his left shoulder.

Not that.

Everything had happened so fast. Too fast. They had made it out of the airport. They had almost reached the vans who would take them home safely. They had just stopped to look back, to wave a last goodbye to everyone who came greet them. They almost got in the cars, excited to cheer and congratulate Jisung for being so strong. Almost spent the night eating late night snacks and watching movies like Chan and Minho had promised. Felix almost got to hug Jisung, an everlasting proud smile on his lips. _Almost_ got to listen to Chan’s track. _Almost_ got to practice his rap with Changbin. _Almost_ got to dance with Hyunjin. _Almost_ got to go out for a coffee with Minho. _Almost_ got to cuddle Jeongin. _Almost_ got to sing with Seungmin. There was so much things he _almost_ got to do. So much before that dark gun’s hole pointed to them.

_Almost_.

And in that instant, ‘ _almost_ ’ sounded like the saddest word in the whole universe of language. Felix almost didn’t take a bullet in his back shoulder. Mouth gap open in shock, strangled sounds leaving his throat, a tear finally slipped from his eye. They _almost_ went on with their daily lives.

But they never got to.

Felix remembered that he had looked up at the sunset before everything went wrong, eyes squinting under the dashing and blinding light. And then he saw it. He saw the black hole of the gun. He saw the men standing behind it, hiding on the rooftop of nearby building. It felt like he was in one of his video games, already letting his tense hands fall, knowing that he will die and would have to start all over again. But this wasn’t one on Felix’s games.

He saw his whole world crumble down.

He had wanted to scream, to yell to everyone to lay down, to run away. But it had been such an unbelievable sight, one who looked nothing more than an illusion, that his throat had tightened and closed up around his vocal cords. And then, everything happened in a blur, in the blink of an eye. He saw the men lift his gun and charge it, he heard the screams of the fans who had followed his stocked gaze, and he saw the black hole of the gun take a large turn to the left.

Felix knew who was standing in his left.

He knew who the gun was pointing at.

Slowly, like if his movement couldn't go any faster, he glanced at Jisung who was slightly walking away from the group, waving to some fans. He saw his confused eyes look around for the reason of the terrified erupting screams. And Felix did all he thought he could do. He threw himself in front of him, grabbing his arms in a last movement of despair. He could have pushed both of them aside, but there were fans behind them. The bullet would hit a target no matter what. And Felix wouldn’t have chosen anyone else other than himself. But things had happened so fast, that he wondered if he really intentionally had decided all of that or if it was just instinct. But all of that hadn’t mattered. All that mattered was Jisung being safe.

They were staring at each other when the gun shot resonated in everyone's soul. Felix's body had violently jolted, thrown forward under the force of the bullet. But he hadn't registered it. Only pain barely grasped his mind. He frowned his eyebrows, mind going blank, even forgetting why his eyes were staring unto Jisung's. Why did his friend's body violently flinch? Why was he looking at him with such fixed and stunned eyes?

But as Felix stared at the blood dirtying his hand, he realized. _Ahh. I have been shot._ And there had been no fear crawling inside his heart. Nothing. He just felt blank. He felt a tear run in his cheek and he only now realized that the blurriness he was seeing was because of his tears. He smiled at Jisung, in a vain and desperate attempt to sooth and comfort him. Maybe if he smiled, the older wouldn't notice the blood gashing out of his back.

Felix felt himself slowly slip from Jisung's arms. But the older, still stuck in an unbearable denial, slid down with him, gently falling together on the concrete ground. Neither of them knew what was happening. Like if stuck in a bubble, they didn't hear the screams of terror around them. Didn't feel as the crowd pushed their bodies as everyone tried to run away. They didn't hear their names being called. Didn't see the members push through the panicked crowd to try to get to them. They felt none of it.

Felix only saw Jisung's face above his as he laid on the older's lap. Only noticed the droplets of blood painting Jisung's cheeks.

He slowly lifted his arm, worry frowning his eyebrows. With a shaky hand, the one who wasn't injured, he whipped the blood, smiling when it disappeared, making place to Jisung's clear skin. It had just been his own blood who had splashed on the other's face. Jisung was okey. He wasn't hurt. He was okey.

Felix smiled again, eyes squinting and cheeks lifting up.

A single tear fell on his hand who was still held against Jisung's cheek, whose lips were parted open in shock. Felix smiled sadly. "I-I'm so-sorry" his voice was rough and harsh. "D-don't cry Sungie- I-I-am so- so s-sorry" A tear rolled down his own face as he briefly closed his eyes. He wasn't crying because of the pain. No. He was crying because of the immense guilt eating his inside. Jisung didn't- shouldn't- have to live something like that. _It wasn't fair._

"-LIX. FELIX! JISUNG! LIX!" His head whipped to the side and he had just the time to see Chan's knees hit the floor before his face closed toward his. His hands flew above his body, violently shaking. Felix saw his eyes search for something before they suddenly halted on his back shoulder. Tears streamed down his face and he started hiccupping. He gently grabbed Felix’s face in his large hands, tears running and eyes bright red. _Why was Chan crying?_ "-lix, it's g-gonna be alright. B-breathe with me- ple-please- b-breathe with me"

Felix only realized then that he hadn't been doing so. He tried to take a deep breath in, but pain stabbed his shoulder and he winced. He followed Chan movement when the boy removed his black shirt, tearing it with his hands. He then took the tissue and started wrapping it around Felix’s shoulder “This gonna hurt okey? But I need to slow down the blood loss. Remember, small breathes lix-Small breathes" Felix closed his eyes shot, feeling Chan wrap his arm and secure his shoulder like a cast.

He opened his eyes to stare at Chan when he felt that he was done, and his pained expression instantly relaxed. It was Chan. Chan. His Chan. His brother. The brother he never had. He smiled but Chan only cried harder, sobs escaping his throat. Chan softly placed his hands under his back, and very carefully, he lifted him up, sliding him away from Jisung's warmth toward his. Panic flashed through Felix's eyes and he whipped his eyes to stare at who was taking Jisung away. He tried to speak but only mumbling escaped his lips.

"J-Jisung- J-jisung-"

"Hey- hey hey shhhhht, it's alright, it's alright" Chan's hand was warm on his cheek, wet from the blood he knew was there. He turned his face toward his "M-Minho took him. H-he's gonna be alright. You are gonna be alright. It's okey, it's okey don't cry, don't cry. Hyung's here" He whipped the tears Felix didn't know were there. "H-hyung- J-Jisung must- be in so so much pain. Hyung- pl-please- take care of Jisung. I am f-fine- So please- please take care of Jisung" he choked on a sob.

Chan's tears kept falling on Felix's face, lips pressed together tightly, and the younger wondered if his leader was that mad at him. "Felix-" but the said boy cut him out, eyes wide in despair "Hyung- I did wrong- I am the one who acted badly- so please- Jisung- Jisung- he's so strong hyung- he can- he can do and go through so much. This shouldn't have happened to him. Pl-please- J-Ji-" the tears that kept falling were obstructing Felix's vocal cords. It wasn't from the blood loose who was gradually weakening his body. No. No it wasn't.

"Lix- My dear sweet lix- please- please try not to speak alright? The ambulance is going to be here in- in a minute" he stuttered but Felix felt the warmness of his words. Felt the warmness as it sparkled in his body when Chan kept him closer, Felix's head resting on his leader's arm as he tightened his hold on him.

"Hyung" Felix looked up straight ahead at the blue sky above their heads. Chan hummed, not trusting his voice to speak "Why is it so quiet?" Chan bit his lips as tears filled his eyes yet again. He tried not to look around him. Tried to ignore the scream of panics of the crowd. Tried to ignore Changbin's loud screams as he fought and struggled in the manager's arms, trying to reach Chan and Felix. Tried to ignore Hyunjin loud cries of utter pain and distress. Tried to not look at Jisung and his emotionless face, cupped in Minho's arms. Tried to ignore IN's screams of panic, asking what the hell was happening, wrapped tightly in Seungmin's arms. Tried to ignore the never ending clicks of cameras. He shut everything out, only focusing on Felix's strangled breathe "Did they go home? Did they take Jisung home? He-" Felix coughed, his body jolting "H-he needs to rest hyung. Jisung did so well t-today right?"

Chan nodded, lips twisting down and tears falling "Y-y-yeah. Yeah he did. It's Jisung after all. Y-you-" he painfully swallowed back a sob "You also did well Felix. So so well. You are so strong. I'm so proud of you. I have always been so proud" he swallowed thickly, sobs and tears breaking him "I want you to know that"

Felix however frowned his eyebrows "Hyung- I-I don't know-w-why but it hurts." His eyes twisted in panic "I- I think I made a wrong move- and my shoulder is s-sore. Hyung- I-I can't feel my left arm. I-I can't move it. Wh-why does it hurt so much? What-what happened?" He tried to reach for his shoulder with his unharmed hand, but Chan stopped him, fingers intertwined with his. "N-no, it's alright. It's alright. You're going to be alright Felix. J-Just don't look okey?"

Before Felix could nod, he heard someone loudly call his name. A familiar voice had made itself a path through his foggy mind. "FELIX! FELIX! OHGOSH-" someone fell by his side, right where Jisung was once sitting, and Felix turned his head.

He smiled. "Hey Changbin hyung"

The men's eyes who were already bright red filled with tears. He visibly gulped, his hands shaking above Felix's body. "F-Felix g-od, I-I-" Felix slowly lifted his hand and grabbed Changbin's shaking one. He had never seen him that distressed "Hyung, it's okey. It's okey. I'm sorry I-ca-can't stand up. My-my shoulder is a- a bit sore"

Changbin forced a smile, tightening his hand on Felix's as the younger spoke "Wh-where is- Ji-Jisung?"The older rapper briefly glanced at Chan who only responded with watery eyes. "Please- ta-take care of Jisung. He-he's 3racha's maknae right? P-please- he- he must be so sc-scared"

Changbin lifted a shaky hand and held it against Felix's cheek. "Jisung is alright. He is with Minho hyung. D-Don't worry about him. The a-ambulance will be here soon. J-Just hold on"

"What about the other m-members?" Felix tightened his hold on Changbin's hand, pressing for answers. He needed to know. "T-they are in the cars with the staff. Seungmin, Hyunjin and Jeongin are in the first van. Minho hyung and Jisung are in the second. Th- " He swallowed back a sob, voice shaking “Everyone is f-fine. T-they w-wanted to be here Felix. Th-they truly did. B-but- the manager- he” Felix shook his head. Another tired smile painted his lips. "N-no. They need to stay in-in the cars. W-we need to-to go home qu-quickly. Y-you- you promised Hyung" Felix turned his attention to Chan.

The older nodded, his tears falling on Felix's cheek. "Y-yeah. Yeah I did" Felix squeezed his hand "T-tell me hyung. Tell me wh-what we’re gonna d-do wh-when we get home"

Chan’s voice was shaky and frail, filled with apparent sobs “First, we’re gonna shower because we all stink” Felix scoffed a laugh, ignoring the pain who shouted in his chest.A smile got forced out of Changbin. “Jisung and Hyunjin are gonna fight on who get to shower first, like they always do. You know that right?” Felix nodded, tightening his hold on Changbin’s hand. “Then, we’ll all change unto matching comfortable pajamas and Changbin and you will fight on who get to wear the pink one” Felix smiled and the tears who formed in his eyes blurred his vision. “I think I will let Binnie hyung win. H-” he took a quick breath in, his lungs running out of air. “He is adorable in pink”

Chan nodded, biting his lips enough to rip the skin and draw out blood, but he gave it no mind. “Minho will order food for us, and IN and Seungmin will fight on what movie to choose. INie will win because he is adorable and Seungmin can’t resist him.” Felix said something under his breathe and both Changbin and Chan had to lower themselves to hear him. “I-I want to go home” he choked.

Chan lowered his head further, and planted a gentle kiss on Felix’s forehead. He then put his forehead against his, tears falling on Felix's eyes "But before all of that, we’re gonna get you fixed up okey? The ambulance is here, I will have to moveout of their way okey?” Felix shoot his eyes around him, and he only now noticed the paramedic closing up toward him. The sound of the sirens only now exploding in his ears, like everything had been put unto mute till then. Fear shoot up in his eyes, he couldn’t even move a muscles, being lifted up scared him to no end. “Hey-hey lix.” Chan turned his head toward his. Felix tightened his grip on Changbin’s hand who he could feel shaking “I’m right here alright? I’m not leaving you behind”

Felix couldn’t tell what happened after that even if he was asked too. Everything passed by like a blur, like a video put unto speed. He vaguely recalled being lifted up and slid in the ambulance. Barely recalled Chan’s face above his, lips frantically soundlessly moving. He barely remembered meeting eyes with Jeongin before some doors closed up. He barely remembered the jolting pain in his shoulder electrifying his whole body as the ambulance speed up on the road.

The last thing he recalled was the blurting sound of sirens, reaching his ears in a buzz. 

\---

There was no light down a long dark tunnel. No voice calling him and pushing him toward a certain direction. _Nothing_. Just a plain black darkness. A black hole engulfing his mind. The only thing he could feel was pain. A pain at its rawest form. Felix couldn't tell if it was a physical or mental one. If it was erupting from any part of his body or if it was because of something in particular. He could just feel pain.

And it stayed that way for an indescribable period of time, darkness and agony eating him whole. At last, he started hearing a faint music coming from somewhere. It was so soothing but at the same time so weirdly sad that it made Felix want to listen more, to know the story behind that heartbreaking melody. It reminded him at the same time of everything andof nothing. It reminded him of a sunny day in Australia, showering in a bath of sunlight, back pressed on the grass he knew was tainting his white shirt. It reminded him of the cold freezing sea water as he swam in it, shouting at his cousins and siblings to _'come in, the waters aren't that cold once you get in. It's actually quiet warm'_. It reminded him of the nap between 2-4pm, house and street silent, sun burning anyone who dared to steep outside of the comforting refreshing shadows. But what made everything so much achingly sad was that this mysterious nameless melody reminded him of leaving all of that behind. It reminded him of him traveling to an unknown country, alone and cold, far away from the once upon a time burning sunlight and laughters. Like it reminded him of all those things, it still stayed and remind something unknown. A song unheard and that made him confused. But Felix wanted to hear more of it. To hold on on the sunlight and childhood memories.So he held unto it, as hard as he could, focusing hard on each sound.

He did so until he could feel his eyelid heavy and closed above his eyes. So heavy that he was pretty sure something was pressed against them. Until he could feel himself laying in something soft, could feel his hands beside his unmoving body. He first tried to move the tips of his fingers, and when he succeeded, he opened his eyes slowly. A wave of relief washed over him, the room was dark and no light was there to blind him.

The same soft and sad melody reached his ears again, and Felix quietly smiled, his cracky lips stretching.

A dim light caught his attention, opposite of his bed and in far end of the room. Beside the yellow light erupting from a nearby lamp, the light of a laptop was illuminating someone's face. He turned his head right, tilting it so be could widen his view. Warmth spread through Felix's chest. He knew that posture too well, that concentrated face, those fingers sliding on the keyboard and mouse. And it was such a comforting sight that his eyes stung and blurred as tears purred down on his cheeks. He had wanted to call Chan's name but his throat was so closed up that even that seemed like such an impossible task. He stayed like that for a couple of seconds longer, tears silently spilling and watching his leader and brother, until his heart monitor betrayed him.

It had started resonating louder and quicker and Chan sharply and abruptly snapped his head toward him. With such a sudden force that Felix jumped slightly. Chan's eyes softened quickly when his eyes met his and he saw as tears quickly pulled up in his eyes. Quicker than he had ever seen them did before.

"F-felix- Oh lixi" Two long steps later and Chan was standing beside his bed. Felix had wanted him to hug him, to pat his head, to at the very least hold his hand and tell him that everything was going to be fine. But he painfully watched as Chan kept his distance, standing a few steps away from his bed. Felix's expression distorted in hurt and pain, too scared to dare use his vocal chords. He wished that his expression alone would be enough for Chan to comfort him, to do anything, but it was clear that the older took his apparent discomfort and pain as a consequence of his injury because he quickly pressed on a bottom beside Felix's bed. "The nurse will be here soon okey? Please hold on lixie. They will be right here"

And as he said, a second later, a nurse was hovering beside him, taking his tension and other things he wasn't aware of. Felix only stared at him when he started asking him questions. Not finding any strength in responding to him. He barely comprehended what he was saying until the man looked up to Chan and Felix forced both his brain and ears to work. "-s clearly still in shock. It's alright don't worry too much about it, it happens a lot to patient who received a sudden and unexpected injury. You can talk about scheduling an appointment with a therapist with his doctor. Don't force him to talk, to answer your questions or to remember the past events. Give him some time, at least until morning" Felix saw as Chan nodded, worry awfully painting his face. He wanted to say that he was fine. That he wasn't in shock or any kind of similar crap. He was perfectly fine thank you very much. But he only managed to blink absently at his leader, clearly increasing his worry.

Chan bowed to the nurse and followed him with his eyes until he wad out. He then brought a small chair, and sat beside him. His full of worry eyes were staring at him again and Felix never wanted Chan to lookaway. He was happy like this, staring unto each other. He thought that he would never get to ever again.

"Lix? Can you try to talk to me? N-no forget what I said don't force yourself t-to. I'm gonna stay right here by y-your side the whole time okey?" Felix blinked again, but he soon regretted his action. Chan's eyes had filled up with tears again, eyes bright red. Maybe his lack of response had made his leader cry? So Felix forced his head to nod slowly. Chan scoffed a relieved laugh, droplets of tears spilling.

A flash of memory suddenly burned his head and the injured boy silently winced. _Jisung stunned face, cheeks dirtied in splash of blood as he hovered above his face. A single tear in an expression stuck in denial looking at him and the only thing he could do was gage and bleed._ Felix's eyes blurred in tears at the memory and he wished he had the strength to lift his hand and whip them away. "J-Jisung. H-How's Jisung? Is he-is he alright?" his voice was hoarse and speaking hurt, but nothing mattered anymore.

Chan's tears fell quicker and he hiccuped something between a sob and a laugh. "You have been shoot Felix. We almost lost you. And the first thing you care about is if Jisung is alright? Please, look at you for a second" Felix's eyes were now so filled with tears that he had to blink a couple of time to let them fall and clear his vision. He barely comprehended Chan's words. He was mad at him now for good. He was. And it was his fault, him to blame. _But Jisung_ \- "I-I'm so sorry Hyung, I know that you have every right to be angry at me. But-please-just tell me- is Jisung al-alright? H-he didn't get hurt right? Did the fans get hurt? The staff? Any member?"

Felix barely realized that he was rumpling when Chan's warm hands cooped his cheeks, soothing him down. "I'm sorry lix, hyung's sorry for saying harsh words to you. Jisung is fine. Everyone is. I'm sure that they are waiting impatiently for us to call them. Only family, or in my case, your legal gardien had the right to see you and spend the night with you . The kids had been forced to go back home" The younger allowed the words to sink in, and he slowly nodded, expression however still stuck in worry.

Chan bit his lips, cursing at himself. The doctor had warned him about Felix’s possible mental state and here he was, shaking him more than bringing any comfort. _"After_ _a traumatic event, our brain tend to force us to focus on something else, literally anything other than our own current pain. For exemple, I had a patient who had been hit by a car, during and after the incident, the patient kept worrying and asking about if their dog at home ate yet or not. In Felix-shii case too, don’t be surprised if he starts worrying about literraly anything else other than his current injury. His brain justisn’t ready yet to process the traumatic situation, latching on something else."_ She had said, a kind smile on her lips. Of course Felix had asked about Jisung first thing when he woke up. He already had been rambling about him when it happened. He had risked his life for his twin after all.

A comfortable silence fell in, Chan holding his hand and patting Felix’s hair, forcing himself to stop thinking. The leader thought that the younger hadfinally fallen back to sleep but Felix's soft voice spoke again. "Hyung, can you hug me?"

Chan nodded, pressing his lips tightly to swallow back the tears, not trusting his voice to speak. Felix made place for the both of them on the hospital bed, and the older gently and slowly climbed by his uninjured side. Felix turned toward him, and flew an arm around his waist, his head resting on his chest. The leader patted his head and kissed the top of injured boy’s hair "Everything’s gonna be fine lix. We are all gonna be alright" he whispered to the youngest’s sniffle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May or may not write part2 to this. Tell me if you want more parts to this. 
> 
> EDIT : Part 2 is out, just click next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, the long awaited part2!!!

"Haven't you slept yet?"Minho's voice was soft and quiet, but it reached Jeongin's mind like a speaker on full volume. He flinched hard, almost dropping his glass of water. "Hyung you scared me" he said, a hand against his chest.

Minho snickered, and ruffled his hair before he sat beside him on the couch, starring at a black tv screen. "And no, how could I sleep? I don't think that I will be able too. Not for a while at least" The dancer nodded quietly. How could any of them? "How about Jisung?"

Jeongin turned and stared at him, an almost exasperated expression on his face. "Do you really think he is asleep hyung? His eyes are just closed. He is pretending too" Minho sighed, escaping the younger's gaze "Well, at least he's resting that way. Why don't you also go close your eyes and pretend to sleep hmm?"

Jeongin sighed again, a broken sigh, the one you exhale when you're about to cry, the one who don't really sound like a sigh, more like a breath of complete sadness and exhaustion, and Minho knew how he was feeling before he turned to face him. "I-I can't" a shattered voice escaped his throat. "Every time I close my eyes, I- I see-" he bit his lips, a droplet of tear fell on his hands. "Never mind" he exhaled, looking down.

Minho shook his head, wrapping an arm around the younger's shoulders. "No go ahead. Tell me what you see"

Jeongin gapped for a few seconds, throat dry before everything exploded out of his mind, like a wild animal waiting to be set free "I see Felix hyung in that damn ambulance. I see the ground below his shoulder, filled with a pool of blood with droplets continuing to fall to feel it up. I see the paramedics pressing their hands on his shoulder, slapping him lightly to keep him awake and calling his name. I see Chan hyung's hands, his arms and his jeans, painted red, his naked chest trembling in both fear and cold. I see Felix's hyung eyes. Staring at me behind a glassed gaze. I see so many things I wish I never saw" Minho whipped Jeongin's tears, gently grabbing his face to make him look up. "I'm sorry you had to see that. I should have been there" Jeongin shook his head. "No hyung, you were with Jisung hyung. I can't even imagine what he must be going through. It's just- what if that was the last look we shared?" his eyes drowned in tears again and his throat tightened horribly. "The last thing I told him was to let go of me" his voice broke and tears finally spilled on his pink cheeks "I-I don't want him to let go" a sob made its way out of his throat and Minho had to admit, he wasn't really good with hugs, but he wrapped his arms around Jeongin, patting his head gently as he let him sob on his shoulder. "Here, here. Felix is gonna be alright. Before you know it, he'll be latching on you like an octopus. Remember what the doctor said? His life is not threatened anymore. He's out of danger"

Minho's voice was soothing and calming. It was grounding and it allowed Jeongin to quickly gain back control. Still, he stayed cupped in his warm arms, feeling protected. "You are saying the truth right?" Jisung voice came out raspy and barely hearable, making both of them whip their heads around. "Of course" the older said. "Chan hyung promised to call as soon as Lix-" he didn't have time to finish before his phone suddenly started ringing in his pocket. They all stared at each other, stocked and eyes wide. Changbin, Hyunjin and Seungmin appeared out of their room instantly. Jeongin was right, none of them were sleeping.

He quickly pulled out his phone. On the screen, his leader's name appeared. This either could be really good or awfully bad news. As he answered, Hyunjin's panicked voice resonated in the silence. "Put it on speaker"

"H-Hello?" he hated how his voice broke. Hated how scared he was. Hated how an agonizing one second silence followed before :

" _Heyooo_ "

It was Felix's voice. Felix's lovely accent. _Felix Felix Felix Felix._

A collective sigh of utter relief escaped everyone's heart. Everyone started talking over each other, trying to be the first to talk with Felix. The phone in Minho's hand started shaking and he wondered for a second what was wrong. "Hyung" he lifted his eyes to Jeongin's red ones and the younger held his hand. _Oh. It was his hand who was shaking._

"OKEY, Okey everyone, what if we don't all talk above each other and let Felix talk" He raised his voice slightly and he was immensely thankful that everyone listened to him and quiet down. Felix's laugh erupted from the phone, although sounding more tired than his usual loud and cheerful one. Changbin, who Minho only just noticed standing beside him, started crying, a smile on his lips. "Hyung, everyone, how are you doing? I'm sorry for calling late but Chan hyung said that-" a pause followed, Felix's chattered breath coming from the line. "-that he promised to call when I woke up"

Minho's eyebrows were frowned. "Are you okey? Don't force yourself to speak if you don't have the force too lix-ah" he met eyes with Hyunjin, the younger's face a mess of tears and red eyes. "N-no I'm fine. Just a bit short on breath. Is Seungminie beside you?" Seungmin straightened his back, approaching the device. "Yah dumbass, of course I'm here. Where else do you want me to be?" Felix laughed again, and if he didn't stop being so adorable, Minho's heart was gonna shatter, that was for sure. "Can you bring me my nintendo switch? Chan hyung said that we will have to stay here for quite a while" the pout was apparent on his voice and Jeongin scoffed a laugh whole heartedly. "Hyung, you worry about that in a situation like this? You're incredible"

"Okey okey jeez, you guys are no fun. You can also bring my Korean text book." Everyone laughed and Jeongin replied in the middle of the chaos "That's not my point you fool"

They slowly calmed down, both wanting to say too much but at the same time so afraid too. "Hyung" Felix called, and Minho startled slightly. "Hmm?" A silence followed. "Is Hyunjin there?" a big grin appeared on Hyunjin's face and he giggled. "I'm here lixi, I'm always here. What's up?" Felix laughed, breath shallow. "Nothing, I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Lix, why are you awake so late? You need to get a lot of sleep. Chan hyung is with you right? You are not alone are you?" Changbin perked up, biting his lips in worry. "No hyung, Channi hyung is here. I was waken up by a beautiful melody he was making. Hyung, 3racha need to finish it I really like it" Felix's voice was hopeful and happy, and Changbin scoffed a laugh. "Just make sure to heal fast, let's make it together. We'll name it ' _Our happiness Yongboki_ " Felix laughed and everyone smiled wider. "Don't be silly. I haven't heard of Jisung? Is he awake?"

A silence fell and they all stared at the said boy. While all the others had approached Minho to be able to both hear and talk with Felix, Jisung was the only one who stayed far back, his shoulder pressed against the wall. They all looked at him with frowned eyebrows, expecting him to respond but the silence stretched on and on. He only briefly glanced at Minho before he looked down at the floor again. The silence was getting awkward. "H-hello? Hyung? Is everything alright?" Minho snapped back at his phone, hating to hear the worry in Felix's voice. "H-He's asleep Lix. We didn't want to wake him up"

"Ahhh" sadness was clear in his voice. "I'm glad he's resting. Don't wake him up alright? I'm sure I'll get to see him tomorrow. Hopefully if they let me out"

No one had the heart to tell him that he'll probably have to stay there for a couple more days, so Minho said instead. "Of course Lix-ah. We will all come visit as soon as the sun's up. Promise" 

"Hmmm, see you Hyung. Bye everyone, sleep well and dream of me" Everyone shouted back a reply, except Jisung who had disappeared back in the darkness of his and Jeongin's room.

"Minho? It's me Chan" The older boy snapped back to reality, removing the call from speaker. He ignored everyone's whine, simply throwing them an exasperated glare and a raised eyebrow. They all pouted and went back to their room, Changbin loudly dragging his feet to pass his point across. Minho rolled his eyes at his childishness. "Don't actually come too early. I don't want Lix to wake up earlier than he have too." Minho nodded. "Of course don't worry" Chan took a silence before he followed "If they annoy you too much, just threaten them here and there" he said with hesitation in his voice and Minho laughed. "Don't worry about that"

Another silence.

"Take care of Jisung too alright?"

Minho stared at the closed door.

He sighed.

\-----

Waking up a couple of hours later was a lot harder than the first time. His whole body ached. Numbness crawled in his bones and there was this constant indescribable itch in his skin.

Felix appreciated the sunshine really, but it only made his eyes sting and darken his vision. Although saddened by the return of darkness, he thankfully smiled at Chan when the older boy closed the stores, a worried expression on his face.

"How are you feeling?" He sat down beside him, taking his left hand in his. Felix frowned. " _Like shit_ " He responded, voice raspy and accent heavy. Chan smiled sadly, a small giggle illuminating the silent room. "How did you expect to feel after taking that bullet?"

Felix frowned his eyebrows. An awkward silence followed. "The-what?"

Chan's hand tightened around his, concern darkening his traits. "Felix d-don't you... re-remember?" The younger Australian hurried to respond, forcing his expression to soften. "N-no I do, I do" he pressed to comfort but his leader's expression didn't relax.

He removed his hand from Chan's as he rubbed his face with both of his hands.

How could he forget?

Felix remembered the screams of terror before the shot. He remembered the horror that rushed through his veins when he saw who the gun was pointing at. He remembered standing in front of Jisung, hands grabbing his arms. He remembered the way Jisung's body jolted when the bullet dug itself in Felix's back shoulder. He remembered his brain going blank, remembered gently being lowered to the floor. He remembered thinking how _unfair_ everything was. Remembered being taken away from Jisung's laps unto Chan's, remembered the panic and agony that spilled from his eyes. Remembered how quiet everything was : the fans, the crowd, the reporters, the sky.

But right now, above all of those things, what Felix's body remembered the most, was the jolting electricity in his shoulder, the draining feeling of energy leaving his body, the nausea thrashing his stomach in big waves and the soreness infecting his bones. And he hated how worse he felt right now. Maybe the panic and adrenaline of the moment had substituted the pain, but everything was now falling down on his head, drowning his whole body in a sea of aching muscles and discomfort.

"Hey- Hey Lix? Are you in pain? Do you want me to call the doctor?"

Felix removed his hands from his face, taking in a deep breath and forcing a smile. "No it's alright. She already gave me pain killers an hour ago and I'm not in that much pain" Chan smiled sadly, his back bending down forward toward Felix's as he grabbed back his hand softly. "Lix, do you wanna talk about it?"

"Talk about what? I don't have anything to talk about" he diverted his eyes, unable to hold the older's stare. "I understand that you don't want too Lix, but you need to. You can't let this bottle up. You don't have to talk about this with me, the manager said he will schedule an appointment with the therapist as soon as-"

Felix's head snapped back, eyes wide and back straightening.

At the same time, a small knock resonated in the room and Changbin's head appeared behind the corner. "Channi hyung, we-"

"The WHAT?" Felix yelled, eyebrows frowning.

"I-I can come back later?" a small voice resonated in the heavy silence.

Both their heads snapped toward the door and Changbin recoiled back, eyes hesitantly flying between both. Felix felt guilt grab his heart, and he forced his body to relax. "No No I'm sorry I-" he felt tears build up in the back of his eyes and he bit his lips, making grabby hands toward the rapper. "Hyung I missed you"

Changbin pushed the door fully open and in two long steps, he lunged unto Felix's arms. The younger's hair was tickling his cheek, warmness spreading through the hug. He hated how frail Felix was, niched in his arms. He exhaled a shaky breath, his throat raspy. "I thought that I had lost you"

"You haven't hyung" Felix wrapped his arms around Changbin's waist and he rested his head on the older's shoulder. He took a deep breath in. Changbin smelled like home. He smelled like the warm blankets of their dorm. He smelled like chocolate milk with hot eggs. He smelled like the studio. Like sheets filled with lyrics and rythmes. He represented everything that linked him to his life in Seoul. And it was hard to let go of the warmness and secureness of his hug without breaking down.

"Oh right" Changbin sat beside him when he pulled away, eyes cast toward Chan. "Minho insisted on making sure that Felix was awake before coming in with the others. Or do we have to come in one at a time or something?"

"The others are here?" Felix perked, smile wide and back on his lips.

Changbin nodded, ruffling his hair. "It's alright, they can come in." Chan said, already standing up to go open the door for the others.

"Kids, you can come in" he called out.

Hyunjin passed by the door first, eyes red and puffy. His lower lip trembled when he saw Felix, eyes filling with tears. Felix tried to honestly smile, but maybe his lips were too stiff because it only made the older's tears heavily drop on his cheeks. He gently enveloped him in his arms and Felix chocked up, falling to breathe properly. Hyunjin was dance practices and shining sweat. He was hard work and passion, music blasting against the walls and body moving smoothly. He was hugs and cuddles, giggles and sparkly eyes. And Felix tightened his arms around him, head in his shoulder as he carefully squeezed his arms around his waist.

But Hyunjin was soon teared up from him, Seungmin and IN quickly taking his place, ignoring his complaints.

"How are you feeling? Did you sleep well?" beamed Seungmin, hands grabbing Felix's. "Hyung, why are you sitting up? Don't sit up, lie down" IN followed, adjusting the pillow behind him. Felix giggled, eyes transforming unto crescents. "I'm fine, don't worry" he kept his words short, already feeling breathless.

Minho slowly approached him, grabbing both of the youngest's arms and pulling them back, "Don't crowd him like this, give him some space"

Felix observed as they both pouted but hurried to back away, Chan securing Jeongin's in his arms when he was close enough. Hyunjin who was sitting on the couch half laying on Changbin's side, made grabby hands toward Seungmin, luring him in an uncomfortable cuddle pile.

Felix's eyes flew back to Minho's when he felt the older's fingers in his hair. The room fell in a warm silence, the young Australian relaxing back against his pillow. He couldn't tell if Minho was trying to adjust his missy hair or if he was ruffling it more than it already was.

His eyes flew around the room once more and he gulped before he reported his eyes toward Minho's.

"Where's Jisung?"

Minho forced on a smile, removing a stray hair who had fallen on Felix's eyes. "He lost a bet and had to go to the cafeteria to grab us something." But Felix saw from the corner of his eyes as everyone else looked around themselves, back straightening in a sudden spark of tension.

Chan met Changbin's eyes, eyebrows frowning when he felt Jeongin's muscles tense under his arms. The younger member didn't reply, bitting his lips.

"Ahh! Lix there's this new video out! I'm sure you're gonna love it" Hyunjin perked, a forced enthusiasm clear in his tone. He pulled out his phone, and his fingers danced on the screen before they suddenly halted. "Ah- an advertisement,hold up"

Felix was staring at the phone on the other side of the room, an airy smile stretching his lips, when a sudden gun shot vibrated against the walls. His body violently jumped, heartbeat halting. He tried to stand up, to get off the bed but arms were pulling him down. He needed to get out. He needed to run. _They_ needed to run. Someone was going to get hurt. Someone- _Jisung_.

And in the spam of a heartbeat, Felix wasn't in the hospital room anymore. _He was outside the airport, clinging unto Jisung's arms as both of their bodies spasmed under the force of the small bullet. The older boy slowly lowering both of them down toward the hard unwelcoming ground._

His eyes flew around the room, searching for something that wasn't there. The members' faces were blurry, and their lips soundlessly moved. Their bodies moved closer, Felix's own muscles jolting back. _Blood_ \- so much _blood_. In his _hands_ , splashed on _Jisung's_ cheek, painting the ground a dark red. Every sound reached him like if he was under water as he gasped and trashed to drag himself to the surface. He dug his fingers in Minho's arms, chest heaving under the pressure. Strangers with white coats flew in the room and he trashed harder, despair crawling in his heart like thousands of ants. There was a loud buzzing sound in his ears, and he pressed his palms against them, trying to sooth the piercing noise.

The strangers grew closer, and Felix crawled back, securing himself inside Minho's welcoming arms. _What were they trying to do to him? Were they the ones who shot? Did they have guns? What were they holding in their hands?_ He crawled further unto his hyung's arms, lungs squeezing all air out of his body. He could only hear his heavy breathe in his ears, his whimpers clouding everything else in a thick smoke. He lifted his head toward Minho who already had his eyes on him.

"N-n-no please- _please_ please hyung it hurt- it hurt so bad please d-don't let them hurt me _please_ -" his eyes turned again toward the strangers and the weird _thing_ they tried to put in his arm.

Minho tightened his arms around Felix's, hating how small he was in his hold. "We can't inject this calmant in him if he's this agitated, we're only gonna hurt him." the nurse said in a rushed and loud voice.

"Please give us a moment you are scaring him" Minho heard himself say, panic on the edge of his voice. Felix's head was hidden in the crook of his neck as the younger violently trembled.

"J-Jisung. J-isung" Felix mumbled, tears stinging his eyes. "Jisung- Jisung" he repeated like a mantra, his fingers clutching Minho's shirt. "D-don't hurt Jisung _please. He hasn't done anything to deserve this please. Jisung. It's not fair, it's not fair"_ He continued crying, sobs wrecking his body. Minho held him closer, patting his back gently as he tried to sooth him. "It's alright lix- it's alright. Everyone is okey. It was just a video. Did it scare you a lot? It's done now I promise, I promise" he whispered before he stared back at his leader. "Hyung- Can you- Can you go look for Jisung? He- he was in the hallway I- I think-"

Chan nodded, a veil of steadiness and control was covering his eyes, but Minho could see his fingers trembling. "Seungmin, Changbin, c'mon, let give lix some space" he said, barely throwing them a glance before he bolted out of the room.

Seungmin tightened his hand on IN's shaking fingers, following closely behind Hyunjin and Changbin. He threw a last look toward the bed before he exited the room. Felix was still crying and shaking, completely hidden in Minho's arms. 

Out of the room, in the bright white hallway, Changbin was looking at his right, his eyes following his leader's retreating body as he hurriedly ran down between the hospital's walls.

And Chan continued running even when he was out of sight of his member's eyes. He ran until his legs slowly slowed down as his attention caught a familiar figure in one of the empty waiting rooms down the hall. He grabbed Jisung's arm as soon as he was close enough, pulling him toward Felix's room before his mumbled and shaking words were properly formed.

"Jisung thank god, c'mon Felix- Felix needs you, we need to go see him. He-" he started to say, his head turned toward the hallway as he forced Jisung to walk with him.

But the younger yanked his arm away, and the leader took a stumbling steps back, barely catching himself from falling. "Hyung- I- I can't see him now I-" he bit his lips, retreating back like if he was scared of him.

Chan could only blink in shock, throat too tight to let any proper words out. "What-" he frowned his eyebrows, the sounds around them blurring unto a constant buzz in his ears. "What are you saying? Felix needs you, there's no time to joke around let's go-" he moved forward to grab the younger's arm again but Jisung only stepped further back, his hands tightly pulled against his chest.

"Do you think any of this is a joke to me?" he whispered, face crunching in pain and it was Chan's turn to step back from shock. "How- how am I supposed to look at him in the eyes hyung? Tell me how?" he took a step forward and Chan forced himself not to recoil. "I am the one supposed to be in that bed. I am the one who was supposed to be shot. I am the one who should have my whole career on the line right now. Not Felix. How- How can I look at him in the eyes?" Jisung blinked multiple times to chase the blurriness away. "What am I supposed to tell him? Thank you for being shot in my place? Thank you for almost dying for me? Thank you for being stuck in a hospital bed instead of me? Thank you for risking your dance career in my place?" A tear slipped on his cheek, his eyes bright red. "Do you know how he looked at me when he put himself in front of me and was shot? Do you know?" he moved forward, letting the tears run free as he grabbed his leaders arms. "He looked relieved hyung. Relieved at the prospect of dying in my stead"

Jisung's face fell apart in sorrow and guilt and all Chan could do was pull him against his chest, tightening his arms around the younger's shaking body. He guided them toward some chairs at his right, slowly lowering them down. He pulled back, whipping Jisung's hair out of his face as the rapper continued sobbing. "Jisung- hey Sung-ah. Listen, listen to me." He searched for his eyes and only continued when he was staring back at him, sniffling back the cries. "Do you know the first thing Felix said when he woke up? He didn't say anything at first, he just looked at me with his big shiny eyes at the same time filled with so much pain and so much- hollowness." He whipped one of Jisung's tear. "Then- he asked about you. He asked me if you were alright. If you were in any pain. He asked me about the members, about the reporters, about the fans. He-" Chan gulped, a double knot stuck in his throat. "He apologized to me and begged me to tell him how you were doing while he laid there in that bed like a rag doll, his whole shoulder bandaged, his skin as pale as a blank paper, not even the slightest of energy to squeeze back my hand. Felix ,he- he didn't try to die in your place Sung, he just didn't want you to get hurt." Chan stopped again, whipping Jisung's waterfall tears letting his fall free. "Even when he was bleeding on that damned ground in that damned airport. He didn't realize that he was dying, wasn't even scared of it. He was just worried- so worried about you, about the members, about if we would still watch a movie tonight or not."

Chan's arms fell on his lap, only finding the strength to grab Jisung's hands. "It wasn't an act of heroism Ji. It was an act of pure, honest and innocent love. I don't think that any of us can repay him back. The only thing we can do is spend our life trying to. Thank him a hundred- no a million times Sung. Spoil him, take care of him, hold him when he need it and let him cry on your shoulder. Do everything in your power to be worth of the life he risked his for. Don't-" his eyes were pleading, his lips turning backward to stop the sobs. "Don't run or turn your back on him Jisung. On us."

Jisung forced his trembling legs to hold his weight as he almost ran toward Felix's room, leaving his leader behind.

All he could do as he threw the door open and ran toward Felix's bed is to softly hold him in his arms as the younger pulled back from Minho's, tightly and desperately holding on the warmness of the one day older boy. All he could do was let Felix's body slowly go limp in his arms when the nurse gently injected him with a translucent liquid. All he could do after he lowered his sleeping figure to the bed is hold his small hand in his. That was all he could do. At least, _for now._

But for now, it was _enough_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys loved this as much as part 1. I don't know if I'm that satisfied with it but oh well. I will leave Felix's recovery up to your, I'm sure, wonderful imagination. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this and don't hesitate to check out my other works I'm focusing on Everlasting Sorrow right now so maybe you guys should check that out!!
> 
> Thank you again!!
> 
> ps : my twt and insta are @felix_8felicis please do come scream at me in my dms see ya
> 
> EDIT : I'm probably gonna be adding more parts to this story. Suscribe, you might never know


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